Changes happen all the time to us and they come in many forms. Changes can be ugly, scary, hard, unwanted, necessary, beautiful, and full of hope. It's how we handle the change that determines the outcome of it all. What does change look like for you?
When death knocks on our door, there are big changes. It not only changes the day to day/the week to week/the month to month, but it changes the entire landscape of life. I don't like "death" changes at all, but I have learned how to navigate the changes in a better way. A lot of times when a death occurs we journal, we talk to others, we write on social media about the changes and how it is affecting our lives. This was me, I journaled a lot and what I found is that in the beginning all the changes were so ugly, scary, hard, and uncomfortable. But what I noticed after looking back on my journaling that in 6 months, after a year...those changes were comforting, they were needed, they showed me the entire time that I was being held and carried along my entire journey. I was always amazed how far I had come because some of my journal entries were ugly and very dark, but what I could see after awhile was a beautiful transformation happening. I couldn't necessarily see it in my day to day living, but looking back on my journaling I could see a whole new person evolving and changing.
Change is sometimes necessary, change may not come in death form but maybe from a divorce, a friendship loss, or even a job change.
When we have a marriage and sometimes things aren't going as they should; maybe it's infidelity, lack of love, or just the other pushing away. That comes as a huge change as well. Many will forgive their spouses, but it does change their relationship and it can change for the good. It can show that you believe in the marriage and that the love can be brought back. The changes you will see are probably honesty, togetherness, showing up for each other, and so much more. But sometimes a marriage cannot be salvaged and the change is a divorce. This change is necessary for many because the trust can't be saved or the love is gone forever. Maybe one of the spouses just can't work on themselves and truly just wants to live a different life than you both originally had envisioned. This divorce change can be scary, hard, and sad; but sometimes this change can be so good. What this does for the person deciding to leave is free their mind from the worry, the sadness, the loneliness, the wonder of what the future holds. They can be happy now and they can create a new way of life and change. Not that it will be easy in the beginning, it's just a new way of life that in a few months, they will notice that the change was necessary and good for them.
Friendships change all the time. Sometimes we have friends in our lives that are there for just certain reasons and moments; sometimes friends are lifers. I have friends that I've been with since the 3rd grade and we talk all the time and they have been with me through the many changes in my life. I have friends that I've met during my grief journey who also have had losses. I have friends that I've met because of my daughter and her many activities. I have friends who were Jack & my friends, but were brought together because of Jack. I have new friends from my new marriage and his friendships that were brought into my life. Every one of these areas of friendships have suffered changes. Some are gone, some are still here, some are here but distant and not close. BUT, what I will say is that all these friends that I have encountered in my life no matter when or how, have made an impact on my life and changed it for the better in one way or another. The changes of friendships are necessary as well and sometimes just being introduced and forming a small friendship is what is intended for our lives. In death, in divorce, in any loss...you will be guaranteed a friendship change.
Then there's the job change...this one is going on with me right now! I have decided to step away from my job that I have been at for the past 4.5 years. I worked at a small antique/boutique store locally and I worked for a great lady Nancy. It was just time for many reasons to step away. This change is huge for my life because I am now going to be without an income from that job and I am going to have to work very hard on building this small business I've started into something more fruitful. I am rewarded daily with the blessings I receive from the comments from customers, the hope I share, and the love I get to spread around. But, job change is scary. What it has looked like for me around deciding to step away was that I needed to work on me. I was feeling very gray and not loving what I was doing anymore. I wasn't finding the passion in my job. In the last month, 4 people I knew had died and after the loss of my father in law, I decided that it was important and I need to focus on me mentally and physically. I feel like I haven't been showing up for what I need to do and I feel my presence in life towards my family & friends has been very sub-par. I'm okay honestly, I recognize where I'm at and I have big & bright plans for where I want to go and be. SO...job changes are hard but necessary sometimes for many people.
We have this one life to live people, we are never promised today or tomorrow. We have to live our lives with purpose and drive. If your light is getting burnt out for any reason, know that this "change" tapping on your shoulder is saying "It's time my friend". Even with death the change wasn't wanted at all, I get that and I know it all too well; but when we are going through the death and grief process there does come a point where we can change our vision of how we deal and handle it all. We get the choice to get up every day and live our life for our loved one who has died. We get to live life to the fullest. We get the choice to give our children a life they deserve. So yes, even with death change becomes necessary and it may not be immediately or in 6 months, but change will come and it will bring hope and wisdom to you. This also doesn't mean that in 6 months you will be okay or that things will magically be better. Change is slow and ever "changing". Even 17 years and 14 years, I get hit with the "why me" and I hate the changes I was put through when death knocked on my door. What I've learned to do in my life is embrace change; I know it happens, I know IT DID happen, and I know I will experience more changes each and every day. So, if I could give you one lesson today is figure out your change and how you will embrace it when it knocks on your door and how you will mange it.
I am not a qualified therapist, I am a human that has experienced great change in her life through many avenues and if you ever need anyone to chat with about the changes you are experiencing, please reach out to me and I'd be all ears for you and can also guide you to the appropriate places if needed.
Go out today and BE THE CHANGE for others as well. Take care of you all! Love and blessings.