Lenten Blog Series: Giving Up What Weighs Us Down in Grief
Give Up Hatred and Return Good for Evil
Grief has a way of exposing every raw nerve in our souls. It can bring out the best in us—deep love, gratitude, and connection. But if we’re honest, it can also bring out the worst—anger, resentment, and, at times, even hatred.
Hatred isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s a quiet, simmering bitterness—the kind that creeps in when we feel abandoned, betrayed, or deeply wronged.
- Maybe you feel hatred toward the disease that stole your loved one too soon.
- Maybe you feel hatred toward the people who weren’t there when you needed them most.
- Maybe you feel hatred toward life itself for moving forward when yours feels stuck in loss.
- Maybe, even though it’s painful to admit, you feel hatred toward God for allowing it all to happen.
Hatred feels justified in grief. After all, if we have lost something so deeply, so unfairly, isn’t our anger proof of our love? But here’s the truth: hatred doesn’t protect our love—it poisons it.
The Problem with Holding Onto Hatred
Hatred doesn’t stay contained. It spills over.
It changes how we see the world.
It isolates us from people who love us.
It keeps us locked in the pain, unable to move forward.
The weight of hatred is exhausting. And yet, we cling to it because we think letting it go means saying what happened was okay.
But forgiveness is not approval. Returning good for evil is not excusing what hurt us. It’s choosing to free ourselves from being tied to the pain forever.
What Does ‘Returning Good for Evil’ Look Like in Grief?
This is where it gets hard. It’s easy to say we should let go of hate, but how do we do that when grief feels so personal? Here’s what I’ve learned:
🕊 Choosing to heal instead of staying in bitterness. Hate demands that we stay stuck in the wound. Healing is the ultimate act of defiance.
🕊 Extending grace where it wasn’t given. This doesn’t mean allowing toxic people back into your life, but it does mean letting go of the need for revenge or resentment.
🕊 Replacing anger with love. Instead of focusing on who or what hurt us, we can pour our energy into love—loving the person we lost, loving the life we still have, and loving those who walk beside us.
🕊 Turning to God instead of turning away. It’s okay to wrestle with faith. It’s okay to be angry at God. But staying in that anger forever keeps us from the comfort He longs to give.
An Invitation to Let Go
This week, I invite you to sit with this question:
💜 Where has hatred or bitterness taken root in my grief?
💜 What would it look like to release even a small piece of it?
It’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive fully yet. It’s okay if it still hurts. But maybe, just maybe, God is inviting you to loosen your grip, just a little, and make space for something lighter.
Because forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you.
🕊️ Stay tuned for next week’s reflection: “Giving Up Complaining and Choosing Gratitude.”