Gratitude When the Table Feels Different: A Thanksgiving Reflection

Thanksgiving has a way of stirring up memories, doesn’t it?
The scent of stuffing, the clatter of dishes, the familiar glow of family gathering around a table set with more food than anyone could ever reasonably eat. It’s a holiday built on togetherness, gratitude, and traditions that we hold close.

But for many of us — especially those of us who are grieving — Thanksgiving has a way of highlighting what’s missing just as much as what remains.

Because sometimes the most noticeable thing at the table…is the empty seat.

The Empty Seat No One Talks About

Maybe it’s the chair where your loved one always sat — the one pulled out instinctively before your brain catches up with your heart.
Maybe it’s the missing dish only they made, or the joke only they would tell.
Maybe it’s the silence where their laughter used to be.

The empty seat isn’t just a place at the table; it’s a place in our story, in our history, and in our hearts.

It represents love.
It represents loss.
And it represents the tension we all feel when we’re asked to be “grateful” while carrying grief.

Thanksgiving doesn’t erase the ache.
But grief doesn’t erase our ability to be grateful either.

Both can exist.
Both do exist.

What Thanksgiving Really Means

Thanksgiving isn’t about forcing joy or faking gratitude.
It’s noticing the small slivers of good that weave their way into our days, even when our hearts are heavy.

It’s about remembering the people who shaped us, the memories that hold us, and the love that still stretches across the invisible space between “before” and “after.”

It’s about honoring the traditions we keep…as well as the ones we set down.

And here’s the truth: The meaning of Thanksgiving changes after loss — but it deepens, too.

Grief teaches us to notice differently.
To cherish more intentionally.
To find gratitude in places we once overlooked.

The gratitude of a grieving heart isn’t shiny or loud.
It’s quiet.
It’s tender.
It’s the kind whispered under your breath:
“I’m thankful they were mine.”
or
“I’m grateful for what still holds me together.”

Why Gratitude Still Matters (Even When It Feels Hard)

Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s fine.
It’s about grounding ourselves in what is still good, still meaningful, still deserving of love and attention.

Gratitude can look like:

• remembering a favorite story about your loved one

• lighting a candle in their honor

• keeping their seat open or placing a flower on their plate

• starting a new tradition that feels gentle and right

• taking a long exhale and saying, “This is enough for today”

Gratitude isn’t the opposite of grief.
It’s the companion that allows grief to soften, even just a little.

And when we practice gratitude — especially in November — we give ourselves permission to feel both the sorrow of what’s missing and the sweetness of what remains.

Honoring the Empty Seat

If you’re facing an empty seat this Thanksgiving, you’re not alone.
You don’t have to pretend.
You don’t have to tuck the ache away.

Here are a few gentle ways to honor that space:
🕯️ Light a candle at their place
🥧 Make their favorite dessert
💬 Share a story about them before the meal
📸 Place a photo at the table
🌿 Simply say their name

You’re allowed to make space for your grief, your love, and your gratitude, all at the same table.

A Gentle Reminder for This Season

Thanksgiving may look different this year. Feel different. Be different.

But different doesn’t mean wrong. It means your love is still alive and that is something worth honoring.

So if you find yourself noticing the empty seat…
Place your hand on your heart.
Take a breath.
And remember:
Love doesn’t disappear.
Connection doesn’t end.
And gratitude still has room to grow — even here, even now.

I’m sitting beside you in this season, holding space for both your ache and your light.