Is Love Enough?

Friendship is often described as a bond built on love, trust, and shared experiences. But is love truly enough to sustain a friendship, especially when the complexities of human flaws come into play? Or even when death comes into play and life changes for the griever? In this blog I'm going to talk about the different issues that come about when it's "just" life or when it's "grief & loss"; the complex issues, feelings, and I will guide you with some tips on how to navigate the ever evolving emotional roller coaster life brings us when we feel like love is just not enough sometimes. 

Is love enough? Not always and sometimes it just changes. In life, in grief, and in relationships, love is work. I think knowing that all people are not created the same, that we all have opinions (right or wrong), and that we have all failed or will fail in life; this knowledge will help us when we feel that love is just not enough sometimes. 

In general when people point out your flaws, mistakes, or just the simple things we do that they don't agree with, it can be incredibly draining. Even if their intentions are good, the constant criticism can chip away at our confidence and make us question our own self-worth. It's especially difficult when they don't see that what they're doing is hurtful. They might genuinely believe they're helping you by pointing out areas where you can "improve," but the reality is that their words can feel more like an attack than constructive feedback. They see their criticism as an expression of love and concern, while you experience it as judgment and disappointment. 

The truth is, none of us are perfect. We all carry our own set of flaws, quirks, and imperfections. In a true friendship/relationship, love isn't about finding someone who is flawless; it's about finding someone whose flaws you can accept and even appreciate. It’s about recognizing that these imperfections are part of what makes them who they are. If you find yourself constantly irritated by your friend's behavior, it might be time to reassess the relationship and your expectations.

However, understanding their perspective doesn’t mean you have to accept their behavior. It's crucial to recognize that while their intentions might be good, the impact on you is what's most important. A woman by the name of Mary Helen Doyle once said, “Choose love and peace will follow. Choose peace and love will follow.” Peace, in a relationship, is about harmony. Peace is about tranquility. Peace is about being on one accord, having a strong and solid friendship, and feeling calm in another person’s presence. Peace is not turmoil. Peace is not stress. PEACE IS NOT DRAMA.

Some basic tips for navigating criticism: 

1. Don’t Internalize It: Remind yourself that the criticism is a reflection of their perspective, not a measure of your worth.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best, and give yourself credit for your strengths and accomplishments.

3. Seek Support: Talk to other supportive family members, friends, or a therapist who can help you process your feelings and offer guidance.

4. Focus on Your Growth: Use constructive criticism as an opportunity to grow, but don’t let it define you. Remember that you are more than your mistakes.

5. Know When to Walk Away: If the criticism becomes too much, it’s okay to take a step back from the relationship, even temporarily. Your mental health should always come first.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences we can go through. It's a time when emotions are raw, and our need for support is immense. Yet, as we grieve, we often find that our relationships with friends and family can change—sometimes in ways we didn’t expect. Setting boundaries during this time becomes essential for protecting your emotional well-being, even as you navigate the shifting dynamics in your relationships.

Grief is deeply personal, and everyone processes it differently. Some friends may be incredibly supportive, offering a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Others, however, may struggle to understand your pain or feel uncomfortable facing the intensity of your emotions. They might pull away, not out of malice, but because they don't know how to help or are overwhelmed themselves.

This can lead to feelings of isolation or disappointment, adding to the weight of your grief. It's important to remember that these changes in relationships aren't necessarily a reflection of how much your friends care about you. They may simply be struggling with how to navigate your grief alongside their own emotions and limitations.

During grief, setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your emotional health. Boundaries allow you to protect your energy, focus on healing, and engage with others on your terms. They help prevent further emotional harm and create a safe space for you to process your loss.

Tips for setting boundaries while grieving:

1. Be Honest About Your Needs: Don’t be afraid to communicate what you need (or don’t need) from others. If you’re not ready to talk about your loss or you need some space, it’s okay to express that. For example, you might say, "I appreciate your concern, but I need some time alone right now."

2. Limit Interactions That Drain You: Grief can deplete your emotional energy quickly. It’s okay to step back from interactions that feel overwhelming or draining. If certain friends are not able to offer the support you need, it’s alright to limit your time with them temporarily.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Say No: Whether it’s declining social invitations, avoiding certain topics of conversation, or even stepping back from responsibilities, give yourself permission to say no. Your primary focus should be on your own healing, and it’s okay to prioritize that.

4. Be Clear but Compassionate: When setting boundaries, be clear about what you need while remaining compassionate towards others. For example, "I know you want to help, but right now, I need some quiet time to process my feelings. I hope you understand."

5. Accept That Relationships May Change: It’s a difficult reality, but some relationships may not survive your grief. Friends who can't support you during this time might distance themselves, and that’s okay. Not everyone is equipped to handle grief, and it's important to accept this without blaming yourself or them.

6. Find New Sources of Support: If some friends are unable to provide the support you need, seek out others who can—whether it’s a grief support group, a therapist, or new friends who can empathize with your experience. Your grief journey is yours, and finding the right people to walk it with you is so important.

7. Practice Self-Compassion: Setting boundaries can be hard, especially when you're already dealing with loss. Be gentle with yourself and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your needs during this time. Healing takes time, and you deserve the space to grieve in a way that feels right for you. Give yourself GRACE. 

Grieving is an intensely personal process, and setting boundaries is a key part of navigating it in a healthy way. Relationships may change, and not everyone will be able to support you as you need, but that's okay. Remember, it's not about shutting people out—it's about allowing yourself the time and space to grieve in a way that honors your needs.

However, setting boundaries while grieving can be challenging, especially when you're already feeling vulnerable. Setting boundaries isn’t about rejecting support—it’s about creating a supportive environment that respects your needs during this difficult time. 

So as you can see, with life in general or with a death that has knocked on your door, acknowledging your situation with grace, compassion, peace, and setting boundaries; love may not be enough and that is completely okay. Remember, love should lift you up, not tear you down. And while you can't always change how others behave, you can choose how you respond, ensuring that you remain grounded in your own worth and value.

Friendship is a beautiful, complex dance between love and acceptance. While love is a crucial ingredient, it’s not always enough on its own. To truly sustain a meaningful friendship, we must be willing to accept each other’s flaws, communicate openly, and set healthy boundaries. "I love you" should never feel like a hollow phrase—it should be a powerful affirmation of the bond you share, despite the imperfections that come with being human. TOGETHER WE ALL SHOULD BE BETTER TOGETHER and wouldn't this world be a beautiful place to live. 

LOVE to all my friends & family, you make my world spin brighter each day.