Oh Mother's Day. A day of celebrating and honoring the lovely ladies who have raised us and honoring yourself for being a mother.
BUT...how does one do any of that if there is a void of "someone" in their life? How does a child or grown person honor their mother who is gone? How does a mother honor herself when her child has died? How does that person get through the day while yearning the desire, the struggle, and dream of even having their own child? These situations are all tough when a holiday such as Mother's Day comes upon us. Feel blessed if you have no idea what any of these questions feel like, because they are tough and it's sad.
I still have my mom, so I am very lucky. I love my mother, she's a tad silly, but she's a hard worker and a loving person to all she meets. She's there for us when we need her, but she's definitely not overbearing. Thank You mom for being you and loving all of us. I'm lucky I still have 2 mother in laws that I've been blessed with. I ache for my 1st mother in law Suzanne as she's alone and both her children are gone; she doesn't feel like a mother anymore. But, she was a good mom and she raised two great humans that did a lot for this world and they continue to do good things in their death. My 2nd mother in law, Judy, she's a good one too. She has raised 3 crazy, but very amazing kids. She has been a guide for me in many ways and is a huge supporter of all that I do. So, thank you to these lovely ladies. I'm proud of my sister for being an amazing mom to her two children and my sister n laws who have raised amazing children as well.
Acknowledging deaths is the biggest thing we can ask anyone to do. On Mother's Day, remember those friends of yours that don't have a mother. Think about them and ask them questions about their mother. You will not hurt their feelings, they just want to remember them. Let them tell the stories of their childhood or anything and everything they remember about them. When making my Mother's Day cards, I reached out to a friend who had lost her mom many years ago and asked for help with my cards. She felt honored that I even asked her, but she loved that she was able to tell me a few stories about her mom. It's SO simple people. Acknowledge the situations and the people you surround yourself with.
For the mom who is aching and grieving for their child that has died, please know that I am holding your heart in my soul this weekend and always. It's tough, it's sad, and it's not right. We shouldn't have to go to the cemetery to clean our child's grave on Mother's Day; we shouldn't have to wonder and ache for what should be; we shouldn't have to feel guilty for feeling sad when we have another beautiful and amazing child right in front of our eyes. We just shouldn't have to figure out how to enjoy Mother's Day grieving. I am blessed that I had two children and I was able to raise Garret for 1 year of his life, but I will forever be his mommy. I will never not celebrate and honor my daughter Graci's life. She made me a mommy first and I am so thankful that she is alive and thriving. Whether Graci knows or not, she is the one who helped me survive all my losses. She gave me the drive to get up each day and live life; why, because we had too. I will love and continue to be the best mom I can to Graci. I will help her through the ups and the downs and any challenges life faces her. She understands grief, but I never want her to feel less then if she thinks my grief of Garret is more important than the life she lives. I miss my son immensely and I love Graci more than anything in this world.
To those ladies out there hoping and trying for a child of their own and maybe having failed attempts after failed attempts, I pray for you to be a mommy some day soon. However that looks for you whether through adoption or many trials of IVF; do not give up hope on becoming a mother one day. Your desire and hard work will pay off and in the mean time, lean into prayer and faith that your time will come.
We also have to honor all those DAD's that are also mothers. We forget the roles they have to take on if their spouse dies. The dads now have to do ponytails, the cooking, the bedtime stories alone, the boo boo's, the teenage girl rage (periods), and all the other things that pop up. Being a widower or a widow is hard and especially when a holiday comes up such as Mother's Day. You are all the roles for your children and I hope you know that you are doing a fine job. Give yourself a pat on the back, ask for the help or for some time away for a few hours for just you. We honor all the dads who are filling dual roles.
A few things you can do to take care of YOU on Mother's Day if you are grieving a loss of a person in your life:
- Spa Day (either at home or away)
- Plant flowers
- Go for a hike/walk in nature
- Eat - make your persons favorite meal. What reminds you of your mom?
- Write a letter to your mom or a child that has died or journal your feelings
- Curl up (alone) with a movie and some hot tea
- Bring your creativity out and color or sketch. Be out in nature if you can.
- Take a walk down memory lane with pictures; laugh & cry at all the memories
- Read a good book
- Text another friend who you know is grieving
- OR DO NOTHING - stay in your pjs, take 10 naps, eat the ice cream.
- Stay off social media because it will hurt and a lot of people are clueless and it will only hurt your grieving heart more.
BUT REMEMBER...you are still a mom, you were still loved by a mom, you are still celebrated, and you are loved beyond measure.
One thing I want to add is that no matter who you are and you are the lucky one who has never lost a mom or a child or anyone for that matter; please do not say "ugh...I just want time away from my kids" or "ugh...my mom is being so overbearing it's driving me nuts" or "I just want one minute to myself...these damn kids" OR all the other things I've already been seeing and hearing on the internet. I get that you might be stressed and you may need a break, do it, but do not complain about being a mom or your own mom on Mother's day. You really shouldn't do this any day, if you feel these feelings keep it down to a minimum space in your own mind and chat with your spouse or family about it. Remember...acknowledging the people and situations you are in who are watching you. (yes, i'm talking about influencers on the gram that are already complaining and there are a few).
"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children" - Elaine Heffner
Remember as we go through this journey of life...we've all heard the saying "It takes an army to raise these kids" and truly does because doing it TOGETHER IS ALWAYS BETTER!!!!