Welcome to The Story Behind the Card—a new blog series where I share the inspiration, heart, and hope behind the greeting cards I create for Butterflies + Halos. Every card has a story. This is where I'll tell it.
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There are three words we say almost automatically when someone experiences a loss.
"I'm so sorry."
They're kind.
They're sincere.
They're well intentioned.
But sometimes...
They don't feel like enough.
Not because they're wrong.
But because grief isn't looking for perfect words.
It's looking for presence.
After losing my son and later my husband and brother, I learned something that has stayed with me for years.
I don't remember every card I received.
I don't remember every conversation.
But I remember the people who stayed.
The ones who came back after the funeral.
The ones who texted months later.
The ones who weren't afraid of silence.
They didn't always know what to say.
They simply knew they wanted me to know I wasn't alone.
That's the heart behind this week's featured card.
Why I Created This Card
I smiled when I wrote this one.
Not because grief is funny.
But because it tells the truth.
We've all heard about the casseroles.
They're practically part of grief culture.
People show up with food because they want to help.
And honestly...
Sometimes the casserole isn't what we need most.
Sometimes we need someone to show up with comfy clothes, a bottle of wine (or your favorite coffee), and a willingness to sit beside us without trying to fix anything.
That's why this card says:
"I didn't bring the casserole. I brought the wine, pj's, & my listening heart."
Because love doesn't always look like having the right words.
Sometimes it looks like simply staying.
What Do You Even Say?
One of the questions I'm asked most often is:
"What do I even say?"
So I thought I'd start answering that question here on the blog.
Today's answer?
You don't have to solve someone's grief.
You don't have to explain it.
You don't have to make it better.
You simply have to let them know they don't have to carry it alone.
Instead of trying to find perfect words...
Try saying things like:
• I'm here.
• I don't have the right words, but I care about you.
• Would you like company?
• Can I bring dinner—or just come sit with you?
• I've been thinking about you today.
Simple.
Honest.
Human.
What Not to Say
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is avoid trying to explain grief away.
Instead of...
❌ "Everything happens for a reason."
❌ "They're in a better place."
❌ "At least..."
❌ "You need to stay strong."
Try replacing those with...
❤️ "This is really hard."
❤️ "I'm so sad."
❤️ "I don't know what to say, but I'm here."
❤️ "Tell me about them."
The Heart Behind Butterflies + Halos
People often ask where my card ideas come from.
The answer is simple.
Real conversations.
Real losses.
Real people.
Every card begins with one question:
"How do I want someone to feel when they read this?"
If the answer is...
"Seen."
Then I know I'm on the right track.
💛 Shop This Story
Featured Card
"I Didn't Bring the Casserole..."
This card was created for the friend who isn't trying to fix grief—they're simply willing to show up. It's a reminder that compassion isn't measured by having all the answers. Sometimes it's found in a listening heart, a cozy pair of pajamas, and the willingness to sit beside someone through the hard days.
Perfect for: A grieving friend, a meal delivery, a care package, or anyone who wants to say, "You don't have to go through this alone."
🦋 My hope: That this card gives someone permission to stop searching for perfect words and simply offer their presence.
(If this card speaks to your heart—or to someone you love—you can find it here.)
Coming Next in The Story Behind the Card...
What to Write on a Child's Angelversary
The words that matter most when a birthday is celebrated in Heaven.
1 comment
Very useful. Remember when I told Rick not to say, How are you? Two minutes later he walked up to them and said “how are you”? :)