The Story Behind the Card: You Don't Have to Know What to Say. You Just Have to Stay.

Whenever someone we love is navigating a profound loss, there is a single, anxious question that almost everyone asks me: "What am I supposed to say?"

After living through my own seasons of deep grief, and now spending years writing cards specifically for those who are hurting, I’ve come to realize that we are often asking the wrong question entirely. Perhaps supporting someone isn’t about discovering the perfect sequence of words. Maybe, instead, it is simply about being willing to stay by their side when there truly is nothing left to say.

The hard truth is that some losses are simply too massive for words. There is no magical sentence that can make the death of a child okay, nor are there perfect phrases that can dull the ache of missing a spouse. We cannot wrap death in a pretty bow and expect it to heal the person standing in front of us. Sometimes grief is completely awful, and the most profoundly loving thing we can do is stop trying to fix it and simply sit beside them while it hurts.

This exact reality is the inspiration behind one of my foundational cards: "There's nothing to be said. Let's sit in silence."

What I love most about this card is how beautifully it removes the pressure from both people. When you send it, you are letting your friend know that you don't feel the need to arrive armed with profound wisdom or unsolicited advice. You don't have to fill every single uncomfortable pause just because two human beings sitting quietly together for thirty seconds can feel heavy. You can just be there. Sometimes, your silent presence is the greatest gift you can offer.

Then, there is the kind of raw, honest friendship that handles the awkward, clumsy side of loss. It's the sentiment behind my second featured design: "I will show up for you even if we don't know what the hell we are doing."

Because—spoiler alert—most of us have absolutely no idea what we are doing. Grief does not arrive with a neat instruction manual, and neither does learning how to support someone walking through it. You might occasionally say the wrong thing, wonder whether you should call or text, or worry that you are being a bother. But I would choose an imperfect friend who keeps showing up over a perfectly worded message from someone who disappears every single time. You don't need to fully understand someone’s pain to love them through it.

My third card speaks to the long-haul commitment of true support: "Death isn't getting rid of me. I'm here for the real, the ugly, & the hard stuff." This message might just be my personal favorite of the three.

In the immediate aftermath of a loss, the room is usually crowded. The phone rings constantly, casseroles arrive at the doorstep, flowers line the counter, and everyone asks what they can do to help. But slowly, inevitably, the initial shock fades and normal life resumes for everyone else—except for the person who is grieving. That quiet shift is exactly when showing up becomes the most critical. True support means being there not just for the funeral or during the first overwhelming month, but staying for the messy middle. It means remembering the first holidays, the birthdays, the anniversaries, and that random Tuesday afternoon when grief unexpectedly knocks the wind out of them for no apparent reason. Letting them know, "I'm still here," provides some of the most comforting words a grieving heart can receive.

When I founded Butterflies + Halos, I knew I didn't want to create traditional cards that pretended there was a beautiful silver lining to every tragedy. Sometimes, there simply isn't one. I wanted to design grief cards that sounded like real, authentic people talking directly to the people they love most.

Sometimes that love is gentle and tender, sometimes it is quiet, and sometimes it honestly requires using the word hell. Grief is not a polished, elegant experience, and our support shouldn't have to be either. What matters most is that it is genuine.

The next time someone you care about is facing a loss and you find yourself frozen, wondering what you could possibly say, try shifting your perspective. Instead of asking yourself, "What do I say?" try asking, "How can I stay?"

Send the card. Sit in the quiet. Circle the difficult calendar dates. Text them three months down the road just to say they are on your mind. Say their loved one's name out loud. Invite them out for a coffee, let them cry, let them laugh, and let them tell you the exact same story you have already heard a dozen times before. You don't have to fix the unfixable, and you don't need the perfect words. You just need to keep showing up.

💛 Shop This Story

• There's Nothing to Be Said – For the moments when your quiet presence speaks louder than any words ever could.
• I'll Show Up for You – For the friend who doesn't have all the right answers but promises they aren't going anywhere.
• Death Isn't Getting Rid of Me – For the person who needs to know you will stand by them through the real, ugly, and heavy chapters of loss.